Quarantined

This week was very eventful.  I woke up Monday morning, chatted with a friend from back in the states, and then started my morning exercise routine.  About 12 minutes in I realized that I didn't feel so great.  I stopped, laid on the bed, and then just began to feel more and more uneasy.  I never finished my exercise but found myself lying around most all morning.  When we did get out later that day I felt even more lousy.  Such began my week of being quarantined.

No, don't worry.  I never actually left my house, but I didn't really leave my bedroom either.  From Tuesday to Friday I stayed in bed except for an occasional trip to the bathroom or an occasional trip to get medicine or water.  I guess it was the flu?!!???  Whatever it was, I hope we don't meet again.

I watched enough TV, internet, cell phone apps, and read enough of books that now all I want to do is anything but those 4 things!  As I sat in my bed, bored out of my mind, I began to wonder about what I could possibly write about this week.

And just like that...this thought came.

Quarantined.  Lying in bed day after day watching the world go by.  Seeing short glimpses of those you love....who seem to be really enjoying life.  Also feeling like you can't get too close to anyone or you might rub off of them..but also seeing that they don't have much of a desire to get too close either.  Filling your time with worthless things...just trying to forget how miserable you feel.  Taking medicine that doesn't cure the symptoms but just masks over them.  Feeling pain and achy.  Not knowing when it will end or what the next day will hold...

It all reminded me of how I felt before I became a Christian.  I remember watching the world around me and feeling like a lot of the people had real joy.  But I also remember feeling a little scared to get too close and feeling like they probably didn't want to get too close anyway.  I remember trying to fill my time and my energy on things that would distract me from how I really felt.  Those things just masked over the problem, but didn't take any of the problems away.  I felt sad and lonely and miserable and didn't see any end in sight.

But praise the LORD, 20 years ago (this September), God changed all of that and brought me out!  Thank you, Jesus, for giving me LIFE and PEACE and JOY that I never could have even imagined.

(As for the adoption, we are still asking God to let us know about our Sweet Girl by her birthday which is soon.  I hope to bring you good news this time next week.  :-)

This Is The Way; Walk In It

This week Joel and I started talking more to some doctors and a couple of other friends we know about this precious child that we want to adopt.  Last week I told you that it is a walk of faith --to not worry and to trust that He will tell us in His time if we are the ones for her.  That is still so true.  However I want to be very real with you.  Even if they send her file to our family, there is a decision that we have to make.  Things are never easy.  (I wish that getting her file was the end of all my temptation to worry.)

As I was walking down the street this week I started thinking a little more about that.  Things are never easy.  The drama never completely goes away.  We never get to the place where there are ...no concerns...no "what ifs".  There is such a beauty in that ...but I think we miss it sometimes.  If you are anything like me, you don't like the uncertainty.  However it is in those uncertainties that our faith is made stronger.  Unfortunately I have heard countless men preach something much different and I have watched friends fall for their lies.  A quote like the following, “It’s God’s will for you to live in prosperity instead of poverty. It’s God’s will for you to pay your bills and not be in debt. It’s God’s will for you to live in health and not in sickness all the days of your life.”  To me that sounds like: as a Christian, God doesn't desire that your life be filled with uncertainties.

 Well, friends, I just don't see that in God's Word.  In fact, the Bible promises suffering.  It promises persecution.  (Might I also add that most all of those in the Bible who were following the Lord had their own struggles and were far from wealthy.)   Take a look at the Fruits of the Spirit in Galatians: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  When things are easy, I do pretty good--and in my pride I think that I don't need God's help.  It's when things are tough in my life that the Spirit shines the brightest for others to see.  So you see, I need suffering.  I don't need things to be easy (even though I might need to be reminded of this occasionally--OK, really often!) I need the uncertainties to draw me closer to Him. I don't need prosperity or health to make me feel secure.  What I need is to find my refuge in the Lord.

I honestly do look back at the most difficult times of my life with a thankful heart.   It is in those times that I drew closer to the Lord and my faith was increased.  I want my prayer to be that of James 1:2-5  --  Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

 I didn't tell you this last week, but for a while now I have felt led to pray that we would receive this precious girl's file before her birthday.  Her birthday is soon approaching, so I am expecting to receive it in the next two weeks.  It's so exciting, but I know that we have a big decision to make.  Even though I want more than anything to adopt this sweet child, we need to see that God is leading in that way--so that when times get tough...we have "the stones to remember."  

Please pray for us that even though the information will not be complete and there will be many unanswered questions, that we will know which way to go...that we will hear the Lord say, "This is the way; walk in it." 

Waiting for the Unknown

When I was in college I began truly praying about the man who God would have for me to marry.  I made a list of all the things that I was praying for in a husband and dad to my kids.  Some people thought I was a little crazy, but when I met Joel I began "ticking off" all the boxes of what I had been praying for.  When I realized that he met each box, I was honestly a little scared of messing things up.

I wasn't too shy about letting him know about how I felt about him.  In fact, I just came out and told him about my prayer and about how he was everything that everyone else was not.  But let's be honest, we were just kids.  I was only 19 when I first met Joel.  In his wisdom (even at a young age), he told me that because we were so young and we had school to focus on...maybe we should wait to date.

I understood  his meaning, but thus began a waiting game.  Days...weeks...months...a year later before we made any kind of commitment to date.  I should have been a carefree college student during that year--enjoying life, but I found myself worrying if I was wasting my time waiting.  I did not know how long the wait would be, and I did not even know if after waiting he would eventually tell me that his feelings were not the same anymore.  You see, during that year we did not talk about dating or our feelings, because we had made the commitment to wait to date.  I remember going to my dorm room (a few times) and crying just because I was so confused--and a large part of me did not want to wait.  I wanted to have that security of knowing that he felt the same way about me as I did about him.  I did not like the "unknown" and I did not like the indefinite waiting-----even though I knew that it was a good thing to wait.

It is funny how history repeats itself.  Really I think that God uses these little lessons to prepare us for bigger things.  Here now, we both are waiting.  We began our adoption journey more than a year ago and expected at this point to be very close to picking up our precious child.  But...we are waiting.

We are waiting on a sweet little girl that we met in a foster home last year.  There have been ways over the past 7 months that we felt that God was telling us that she is the one, but we just don't know yet.  I am this time choosing to have faith.  Unlike last time, now when fears creep up in my mind, I tell myself that I will not let my "worries" control my thoughts.  Thoughts like..."What if she is not in the pool of kids that we are qualified to adopt by the country's standards?"  "What if someone else gets her paperwork before we do?"  "What if her needs are more than we can provide for?"  "What if....."

I will not let myself dwell on those things.  I just have to trust.  God put her on my heart for some reason.  I cannot deny that.  If in the end, after this long wait, we are told that we are not the ones that have been chosen, I will be honored that I was able to pray for her maybe even when her adoptive parents did not even know her yet in order to pray specifically.


Our social worker has sent us a few pictures and details about other kids, but I can't seem to even consider anyone else until I know for sure about this precious child that I am praying for.  I feel like I need to have faith that he has a great purpose in the "wait."

New Friends

Joel has been teaching a men's class about Marriage and Family.  Last night one of the men and his family came over for dinner.  I was a little nervous, as I always am when someone comes for dinner that I don't know well.  I spent the afternoon cleaning house and picking up some fresh vegetables for dinner.  The plan was that I would make a side dish and our new friends were going to bring some meat to cook at our house.

To our surprise, a Christmas package from my dad came in the late afternoon.  We were very excited to open it and play with our new toys.  :-)  I was getting a little pressed for time after the package, because I really like to have as much cooking finished as I can before they get here (I am still very much American--the people here might only start cooking when everyone arrives).  So I asked Isaac to help me peel and cut the veggies.  I showed him how to do it, and kept reminding him to be careful where he puts his fingers.  As I am sure you have already guessed since I am writing this....he was not as careful as he should have been.  He succeeded in peeling them all, cutting off the ends of the carrots, and he had cut up about half of the potatoes when I heard, "Aaaaoww!"  Very calmly he told me that he had cut his finger.  At first glance it didn't look so bad, and I had him go sit down at the dinner table while I found the peroxide and band-aids.  He sat in the chair firmly holding his finger wrapped inside of a clean towel.  When I looked at it a second time, it looked a little worse than before.  He wasn't going to lose his finger or anything.  He didn't cut very deep but more at an angle on his finger, so it was possible he might lose about half a dime's worth of skin.  I am getting more and more where I can't handle this stuff.  As a mom of three you would think I would be getting thicker-skin for these sorts of cuts and scrapes, but I feel like just the opposite has happened.

I asked him to come in the kitchen and hold his hand over the sink so that I could pour the peroxide over this finger (and not make a big mess).  Something told me that this was not a good idea, but I ignored the thought.  I asked him if he was ok, and he said, "Just do whatever you have to do. I don't care."  Next thing I know his head fell back and his body was being held up by the wall  "Isaac...Isaac are you ok?!?!??!"  I heard nothing.  At this point I knew that he had passed out.  I tried putting my arms around him and pulling him back to the table, but his body was completely stiff and then he started shaking.  He was moaning, and I was flipping out by this point.  (Again, I don' handle these things so well.)  Joel had gone downstairs to meet our friends and bring them upstairs.  I started yelling, "Autumn!!!  Get your dad back in here.  Hurry!!!!"  So naturally Autumn was really scared.  She then turned and saw Isaac's face which made her even more scared.  "Ahhh!!! Crying she yells to her Dad, "Daddy, come back.  Hurry!!!  Isaac passed out!"

Just about that time Joel arrived back upstairs and Isaac had "come back."  Of course he didn't remember much of anything, but he just kept saying, "I want to lay down. I am so tired."  Joel was not too worried because he has passed out many times over the years--in the same kind of circumstances.  But this Momma was really shook up.  I told him jokingly, "Isaac, don't you ever do that to me again or I will whip you!"  He went to lay down on the bed and rested for a good 15 or 20 minutes.  (He ended up being fine, and his finger stopped bleeding--so nothing to worry about).

While he was resting our new friends arrived.  So yeah, I had not even started cooking the veggies.  Maria, our new friend (her husband's name is Simon), brought all of her food already prepared and just ready to throw in the wok.  I was even more behind now.  Well, of course it all got done eventually, and I am not sure why I worry about such little things.  The food was amazing.  She brought dumplings, meatballs, and best of all two racks of lamb.  Wow!  It was so good.  Even better than that was just the conversation we had.  I would say it was one of the most relaxing and natural conversations (even if it was in Mandarin) that we have had in all of our time in-country.  Simon is very funny, and the two of them play off of each other very well.  There were a lot of good laughs, and I know that we will be good friends for many more years to come.  (They shared with us that they had a very interesting 24 hours before coming, but we are very thankful that even with all the craziness we were able to meet up and spend time together.  Must be the beginning of something special.)

A Year In Review

I am glad that God doesn’t tell us more than we need to know for now.  Of course there are times when I wish I knew what was coming right around the bend, but let’s be honest… If I knew all that was going to happen in the next year, it wouldn’t keep me from worrying.  

A Year in Review
We went into this year knowing that we would move sometime after the Spring Semester, so around the first of the year we started letting our closest friends know that we would be moving.  We also began visiting JM (our new city) to find our way around and to make some new friends.

An opportunity opened for us to work at an English Training Center in JM, and they seemed very flexible to our schedule.  So, we felt very blessed to know that we would at least have a starting point after we moved.

Over Chinese New Year Joel and Isaac went to our close friend Biao's hometown.  They had a great time, and Autumn, Stephen, and I held down the fort at home.   

In March, we started preparing for our homestudy for our international adoption.  We had to take a lot of pictures of our apartment, fill out a lot of paperwork, and then we had a visit from our social worker.  She interviewed us and then began all the paperwork to finalize the homestudy.  However, because we were planning to move in the summer, she would have to come back again after the move to finish it all.

April was a lot of fun.  Some of our sweet friends Mason and Deanna and their kiddos came to visit Hong Kong (at the end of March, actually).  We met them in Macau and had a fun couple of days together.  They treated us by using their points to get us a SUPER nice hotel room.  It was super relaxing, and it was good to catch up with them and their cute boys.  We also used Christmas money from my Dad to go to the Crocodile Park with some of our friends from Hong Kong.  Again we stayed in a very nice hotel--the Chimelong Hotel.  There were even live tigers on exhibit inside the hotel...along with flamingos and some other exhibits. 

In May things started getting a little crazy.  One morning I got ready and went to work.  When I came home at lunch, I realized that I could not remember anything that happened that day from 8AM to about 9:30AM.  Even as days, weeks, and months went by I was never able to remember.  I don't remember leaving my house, getting in the taxi, arriving at work, talking with my colleagues, etc.  Everyone said that during that time I was acting completely normal, but I have no memory from that time.  There were also some other things that I was experiencing like dizziness, ringing in the ears, headaches, difficulty concentrating, and several other things.  To make a long story short, I made an appointment to have a MRI and to see a neurologist.  Nobody was quite able to explain what had happened.  But there was consideration that I may have had a mini-stroke.  For 5 months I was left with a lot of unanswered questions and many more tests to run.  In September after speaking to my family doctor, he was concerned that I might have MS.  So after 5 months, I was finally able to get an additional MRI in Hong Kong and see a second neurologist.  Praise the LORD!  I was told that everything was fine, and that it could have been due to stress.  I learned a lot during that time but maybe the biggest thing I learned was the danger of worrying and how it can physically make you sick.  Most of my symptoms were explained by my continual worrying about the whole situation, and once I received this news from my Hong Kong neurologist, things got so much better.

So May to October seems like kind of a blur, and looking back I can see that I wasn't myself.  I didn't even take many pictures during that time.

In June, we moved to JM and started getting settled in.  Actually while all of this was going on we also had a friend, Chase, from America come and stay in our new city.  He stayed in the housing for our English Training Center, and he taught some classes while we were in the process of moving.  We enjoyed having him here.  I just wish that things would not have been so crazy and that we could have spent more time as a family with him.

In July we took a family trip to Thailand.  We saw some old friends there and enjoyed a lot of rest and relaxation.  The kids were able to see some kids that they know and get some play time.  

In August, we began talking with a couple other families in JM about doing homeschool together.  We started planning how it would all work out and getting all of our books together.  

In September Autumn turned 8, and we started homeschool.  We have a total of 7 students, and Stephen likes to tag along for P.E.  :-)  At the end of September Joel's mom, Nancy, came for a visit.  We had been looking forward to this all year.  While she was here we celebrated Autumn and Isaac's birthday together.  Isaac's birthday is Nov. 1, but we felt like her trip was close to being right in the middle of their birthdays, so it was neat to be able to throw a party with her here.

In October, we took our new friends from JM on a retreat to do some team-building and most of all to get some much needed rest.  They also needed rest, and we felt like this was a good way to make them have time together as a family.  It was also after this week that I got the news that I was ok, and we all felt great relief.

On November 1, Isaac turned 10.  The kids also took their first field trip with the local school.  They are homeschooling in the mornings, and in the afternoon they go to a local school to make friends, play sports/dance.  They enjoyed riding in the big charter bus with their friends and going to a small theme park on the field trip.  At the end of November, Stephen turned 2!

So quickly December arrived, and this was our most quiet Christmas overseas.  We haven't made too many friends yet.  Actually it was very nice to have more time together as a family after a somewhat stressful year.  One thing that we were not expecting (at the beginning of Dec.) was an emergency trip to Hong Kong.  Autumn had been complaining for a little more than 12 hours about a stomachache.  After asking more questions we discovered that it was quite possibly her appendix.  That day an old friend from our previous city had come to visit.  It was such a blessing to have her after not seeing her for so long, but it was also a blessing to have her here so that she could help talk to the local doctor over the phone.

After taking a trip to the local doctor and running a couple of tests, we found out that it was in fact her appendix.  We talked to some American doctors over the phone and they advised that she should go to Hong Kong to have her appendix removed.  That night at about 9PM, Autumn and Joel left our house to make the 3 hour trip to the hospital.  She had surgery around midnight that night.  She did great , and made a quick recovery, and we were very blessed throughout the whole ordeal--that's a whole different blog in itself.  

Here we are just a few days short of the New Year, and I couldn't help but write out some memories of this year.  I feel like it will soon become a blur, but I don't want to forget how good God was to us this year.  He protected us in so many ways, provided for a lot of doctors' visits, and surrounded us with love from our friends and family locally and in the states.  

If I had known at the beginning of the year that I would walk through the Jordan river, I think I still would have worried about the details.  But I think that God taught me a good lesson this year about faith and worry.  As Autumn went to the hospital, he was already giving me another opportunity to put that faith into action.  Believe it or not, I went to bed that night (while she was having surgery) and I chose to trust that He was in control.  I pray that these "stones" will serve as a reminder to me of the faithfulness of our God and that I will continue to trust him through the storms.

In 2015, we hope to finally receive another daughter through adoption.  We are prayerfully looking forward to what He has in store this year and the lessons He will teach us.